I'm eating all of the evidence.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
