Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
wanna go halves on a baby?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
