do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
