My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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