So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
