You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
