i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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