I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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