GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
