She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
