Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
