There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
