I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
That accounts for only three of the penises
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
