If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
