Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
