Cold hands, warm shart.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
