hotel room ftw
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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