So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
