Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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