i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sext me about skeletons
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
