Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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