I just saw a hot homeless man
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Congratulations! We have a period
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
