how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
