6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
