I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
