The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
