You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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