it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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