And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
