oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
