the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
