If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
