Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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