You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
