i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize