i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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