Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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