He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
