Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
