Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
