I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
