Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
