I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
