That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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