Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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