Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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