I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
