1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
its not stalking. its research.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
