this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
