I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize