everyone is single if you try hard enough
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
