worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
