Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
