I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
