I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
They have beer where we have blood.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize