totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
