Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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