If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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