in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
